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Want to go travel for a long time? Here’s how to tell your parents you are going travelling. An honest guide on what to do and say.
How to tell your parents you are going travelling can be one of the hardest situations to face when planning a long-term trip. I often reflect on those difficult moments I faced when I left home eight years ago to go backpacking, and where I am today.
“Mum, Dad. I have something to tell you… I’m leaving to go travelling.” As you can imagine, it’s met with a mix of emotions, and opinions.
Saving for an around the world trip? Want to take a GAP year after school? Want to travel after graduating from university and taking your first steps on the career ladder? Randomly want to fulfil your dream to travel?
There’s that indulgent (and somewhat selfish) moment when you decide to travel for a long time and you really couldn’t care less about what people think regarding your decision. Why? You are taking control and doing what some people only sit and daydream about; you are changing your life to accommodate this ambition and you are realising the dream that many see as impossible.
Yet that doesn’t mean you should ignore the reactions of others though, especially from those that mean well, like your parents.
I’ve been lucky that my parents have been very supportive. I had always undertaken much smaller travel stints before and they saw my big one looming, which meant it wasn’t so much of a shock of them.
But it doesn’t mean that my parents didn’t ‘have their moments’ once I announced my plans a year before I left. And by moments I mean questions, questions and more questions, sad conversations and the dramatic and inevitable: “Will you ever come back?”
Despite being confident, independent and determined, I’m also their only daughter and I was doing this alone. Telling my parents I was leaving for an around the world trip was one thing. Telling my parents that I was leaving to travel as a solo female was another.
Realistically, I couldn’t blame them for not having something to say on the matter. Other reactions from people, aside from kind words from friends, were mainly been the result of ignorance or jealousy and so I ignored them.
The only reactions you should be responding to are the ones that matter.
So here is my low down on some of the parental scenarios I came across when I planned to leave, how I told my parents about my travel plans and how I helped them to deal with it.
Contents
Parents – A Different Generation of Travel
Your parents are genuinely worried and they care about you. Full stop. You have to remember that our parents are not from a generation that could drop everything and backpack around the world. Your mother and father probably left school and worked, stayed at the same company for years, married young and had families – because security was the normality. And that’s what made them happy.
You could say we are extremely lucky to be a part of a generation where we have the confidence to walk away from something if we don’t like it (because deep down we know it will be OK) and to build up a career and qualifications so that we have something to fall back on. Where to delay getting married and having children is actually not frowned upon by those around you. More importantly, to be living in a time where the opportunity to see the world is both cheaper and more easily accessible.
So don’t blame your parents for asking you a multitude of questions about your travels, or simply not understanding at all. They are trying and they do mean well.
How to Tell Your Parents About Your Travel Plans
Keep them updated with your itinerary.
When I had a new addition to my destination list, I let them know about it and talked to them about why I was choosing to go there. If they know you are confident about your choices they will have less reason to worry. For example, my mum was not best pleased when I mentioned North Korea. But she was a little calmer when I explained why and how. That I was joining a reputable tour company for example. That I would be with other people. That I wouldn’t have any means of contact while in the country and therefore not to worry.
You are probably thinking that I shouldn’t have mentioned it at all. But then why lie? It would only make it worse if I announced it while I was in China, without being able to talk to her properly, where she would worry so much more.
While you have the time face-to-face, explain travel to your parents.
What you plan to be doing when in particular countries that to them are deemed a little unsafe, lesser-visited, different or unknown.
The reality of any misconceptions that may lead to unease. My dad told me he wasn’t sure if he could visit me in Cambodia because he ‘likes to stay in hotels’ – he soon learnt otherwise!
How you find and book a hostel and how you might get from place to place. Again, announcing from a country afar that you are about to board a night bus for 38 hours with a bunch of strangers may be best announced (and explained) now.
How you can (and WILL) meet people along the way and that you really won’t be completely alone 100% of the time.
That you will take measures to stay safe. I once had a 20-minute discussion with one of my parents about the use of motorcycle helmets. It was painful but I was glad it was 20 minutes before my trip than 20 minutes during my trip when the time to catch up was more precious. A discussion with your parents, before leaving for travelling, will save you having to explain it all when you are on the road when, quite frankly, you won’t have the time or patience.
Use modern technology and practice with them. A few months before I left, my mum bought a microphone for her PC and we set it all up, raring to go on Skype for future chats. My dad is a gadget geek and knows his stuff, but my mum got her practice time in. Because that’s what made her feel better, and I felt better knowing she had the resources to stay in touch.
Spend time going through the absolute basics of travel with your parents before you leave, if you absolutely have to. There will be times when you only have 10 minutes to chat when on the road and you don’t want half of that to be a tutorial.
Make sure they realise that there may be countries where mobile phones won’t work or you can’t find a sim card. Or wi-fi, or even an old PC with a decent internet connection. Explain to them and troubleshoot, even before you get to the next country, that contact might not be as easy, or quick running, as it is at home.
Tell Your Parents You Are Going Travelling By Getting Them Involved
There is knowledge in life about certain things that your parents would trump you on, 10 times over, like finances and wording in policies. Therefore, ask for help when you need it as parents feel joy when they get to help you. And there are things in life that you know a lot about and they don’t, like volunteering, flight planning and adventure activities, so get them reading and interested!
Parents and financial insights
I know my dad gets mad at me if I don’t make correct financial decisions and so I got him involved from the very start. He might not have known much about half of the things I had planned on my 15-month trip, but he sure has helped me find the best ISA and savings accounts which I had used to save and help fund my trip and he even helped me to lock down the best pre-paid travel card. In the end, at least he knew that my money was going to be well spent as it was being well invested.
Do your parents have friends abroad?
If your parents know people in different countries or have friends who have been to certain places on your list, ask them to seek out further information and advice for you. Or even someone to visit or a place to stay! I am sure they will love knowing that they have contributed to your travel plans and decisions.
Take your parents travel shopping with you
I found that taking my parents with me to travel shops was also a handy way for them to learn about your expenditure on certain items, why you need particular things and that, all-in-all, you really are well equipped for your time away. It gives them another reason not to worry.
Send them documents for reference
Send them links to websites, PDF’s of travel itineraries – anything they can read to fully understand some of the things you are doing and where you are going. I know my mum felt a lot better about my pending volunteering stint in Cambodia after she had a good read of the charity’s website.
Be brutally honest with your parents
Lay it ALL out now. You won’t be texting back straight away, you won’t be calling from every available phone and you won’t feel the need to Skype every time your heart skips a beat at the arrival of decent Wi-Fi.
You love them, but you will love your travel life a whole lot more.
What NOT to Tell your Parents about Going Travelling
Don’t:
Tell them horror stories. Really, don’t. Bad things can happen and if it happens to you, you will deal with it, unless you really and seriously need help. I didn’t tell my mother about a serious incident travelling until around five years later. At the time it was something very personal to me and which shaped me. It wasn’t something for her to worry about from afar.
Dwell too much on the potentially dangerous. It’s not really a word to use in a conversation with the parents, is it? Dangerous to you may translate into adrenalin-fuelled activity or driving along the world’s narrowest mountain road, but to them, it means instant death.
Promise them set times to catch up. Plans always change and missing a catch up will only make them worry that something has happened to you. Not that you are just out sightseeing or having another beer in the bar with your new friends.
Lie. Do what you have to do and do what you want to do. It’s your life and your unique travel experience so enjoy every moment and let them react to it how they will. My plan was to travel for 12 months, increased to 18 months and then to two years.
The reality is, I never came back. Well, I did and still do for a week or two, but once I had left, I found homes all over the world before eventually settling in Vienna, Austria.
Years Ahead
What do I tell my parents now about travelling around the world?? That I am happy. That I turned it into a job and its fruitful. That it’s a passion and a part of my personality.
What do my parents see? A happy, well-rounded, well-travelled, incredibly curious daughter who adores people and cultural immersion and craves the adrenalin of adventure. I’m their child who got to do the things they never could. Or one who pushed them beyond their own boundaries when they travelled with me (or at least tried to).
A reaction from a parent, however extreme, is just a sign that they care. Work with them, not against them – because with more knowledge will come greater support and the chance to go travelling, on your own terms.
READ MORE: Reasons Not to Travel – and the solutions that show how to get started.
David Sylvest says
Good great and great advices. i’m a 26 male from denmark, and at first i was gonna go travel south east asia for ½ a year, when i told my mom then she went completly *mind blown* and it took her a looong time to get used to it, however now she is “ok” with it i guess, as she normally says “i can’t do anything about it anyway so might as well get the best of it”. and she could deal with it as i could get home again.
A week ago (i’m 2 month away from my travel) decided to quit my job, sell everything i own and sell my apartment and such…. i havn’t told her yet, and tbh i’m at work atm… gonna visit her when i’m off from work (soonish) to tell her, but damn im scared! 😮
i hope some of thease advices are gonna help me. 🙂
Becki says
She will be OK with it once you are on the road. And once she sees how happy you are, and how passionate you are about travelling she can be nothing but happy about that. Don’t be scared… change is good. It just takes a bit of getting used to! My mum is even planning to come and see me soon – I’ve been gone for over a year. So tell your mum about the great adventures SHE can have too 🙂
Joanne says
I think these are great tips Becki & as a parent of two 20-something young women who like to travel I would agree with pretty much all of what you’ve said. However, there is one thing I would disagree with you about. I’m a 50-something female so maybe closer to your parents’ age than yours! But my generation DID travel quite a lot & in some ways I like to think we were the original backpackers – although I admit I could be wearing my rose-coloured glasses here! I backpacked around Asia just as Tony & Maureen Wheeler were starting to launch the fabulous Lonely Planet guides & then went off & taught for a year in China. I’ve travelled all over the place since then & taken my kids along too. So, I don’t think it’s always a case that parents are from a generation that has never known adventure or taken risks when travelling – I think it’s maybe more of the case that when you’re a parent you become more cautious about what might happen, particularly to your own children, partly because you may have been in that position yourself many years ago.
Becki says
Thank you Joanne. I’ve only met a VERY small handful of people in your/my parent’s generation who have done what you did. I’ve normally met these people travelling but feel it is a minority… especially compared to the ratio now. However, you certainly helped set a trend. I bet you have some incredible stories and I think it’s amazing you encourage your daughters and take them along. Here’s to future adventures 🙂
ashley says
what about if you and your parents are worried about someone kidnapping you or something like that?? Of course we happen to be a fan of all the csi shows and such! They arw always over precautious about where inam going and who will be there. But I will be goig alone on this trip… I am going to Arizona during the end of this month approximately for three or four days and i still haven’t even told them the fact I am leaving! help! I am a responsible 20 year old living in Massachusetts and am going to visit my boyfriend out in Arizona!
Becki says
My parents worry about the same sorts of things, kidnapping included. The fact is, it can happen anywhere – even in your home town. Just in some destinations you have to exercise more caution. However, I don’t advise lying. What is something ever happened to you? Nobody would know. What if you were ever in trouble? Nobody would know where you are to help. Have a chat with them – reason, negotiate, explain. Show them your passion for travel and why you are responsible. All parents worry and we can never get rid of that 🙂
lacie says
The first time I traveled alone, I didn’t know how to explain it to my parents so I lied.Eventually they found out and I got into heaps of trouble.It’s much easier and less drama to just come out and tell them where you are going
Emily says
How old were you?
Becki says
This was three years ago. I was 29.
Lacie says
I was 21
Becki says
I don’t think age matters in this scenario. It’s always an issue regardless.
Samantha says
I wanna do this too. I’m 19 and never been out of the state I live in. I wanna go to Wisconsin which is right next to the state I live in (minnesota) I was planning on going for just 2 days and when I told my mom she just freaked out. I don’t know what else to tell her. This is going to happen.
Becki says
Talk to your mum calmly. Make her see the reasons why you want to travel. Show her you have a passion to see things outside of your routine. And then put the provisions in place to go 🙂 Once you have acomplished that she might see how happy it makes you and that at the end of it all, you travelling alone is absolutely fine. Good luck 🙂